Are you acting like a big baby? 6 common mistakes that prevent success
Daniel Wong is a learning and teen expert, and is also the best-selling author of “The Happy Student”. He offers programmes to help students attain exam excellence while also finding happiness and fulfillment, and to empower parents to motivate their unmotivated teenagers. Download his FREE e-book, “16 Keys To Motivating Your Teenager”. The views expressed are his own.
Earlier this year, I became a first-time dad.
I absolutely love my baby son (I’ll call him Baby Z), and fatherhood has been fantastic. But, of course, there have been frustrating moments too.
The non-stop crying.
The long nights.
The pee and poop-stained clothes.
I feel like I’ve become quite the baby expert, even though my wife will probably disagree. (She’s the real baby expert.)
My day job involves working with teenagers to empower them to become both happy and successful. Interestingly, the more time I spend with Baby Z, the more I realise that he behaves in ways similar to some of my clients.
In fact, Baby Z’s behaviour brings to mind many adults I know too.
If we want to find enduring success and fulfillment, we’ll need to grow and mature. We can’t act like babies for the rest of our lives, right?
In this article, I explain six ways that we often subconsciously behave like big babies, and hence prevent ourselves from becoming successful. Writing this article is a good reminder for me to always behave like a grown-up myself!
Here are the six common mistakes that grown-ups make:
1. You do what you feel like doing, instead of what you ought to do.
When babies don’t want to sleep, you can’t force them to.
When babies refuse to eat a certain type of food, you can’t force them to.
When babies are bored of playing with a particular toy, you can’t force them to be interested in it.
In other words, babies do what they feel like doing.
Many grown-ups are like that too. They do what they feel like doing: watch YouTube videos for hours on end, use social media obsessively, or eat too much junk food. The list goes on.
They lack the discipline to do what they ought to: fulfill their responsibilities, work hard, honour their parents, etc.
No one’s perfect. But if we want to lead a meaningful life, we must have a sense of duty and commitment in the areas that matter.
2. You frequently complain, and rarely express gratitude.
My wife and I have made a lot of sacrifices for Baby Z, but he’s never said “thank you”. He can’t talk yet, so we definitely don’t expect that of him.
I’ve noticed that some grown-ups aren’t thankful either, no matter how comfortable their life is. Somehow, they always manage to find something to complain about, whether it’s the weather, their spouse, their boss, or the government.
I’m not saying that we should never complain, but I am saying that we should cultivate a grateful spirit, not a complaining one.
After all, gratitude is the foundation of happy relationships and a happy life.
3. You allow your circumstances to dictate your mood.
My wife and I have noticed that before Baby Z has a bowel movement, he becomes exceptionally moody. He’ll frown, shout and cry. But once he’s completed his bowel movement, he’ll start smiling and laughing right away.
This is just one example of how Baby Z lets his circumstances dictate his mood. He’s a baby, so of course we don’t blame him for that.
Many grown-ups are like this too. If they’ve had a good day, and had enough sleep, and had a nice meal – they’ll be cheerful. But if things haven’t gone their way, or if they’re tired or hungry – they’ll be irritable and snappy.
If we want to find long-term happiness, however, we need to realise that happiness is a choice. We can choose to be joyful, regardless of our circumstances, not because of them.
4. You have a sense of entitlement.
Every day, Baby Z makes it obvious to me and my wife that he expects us to feed him, clothe him, and change his diapers. Using his cries as his primary mode of communication, Baby Z also makes it clear that he feels entitled to this royal treatment.
He’s a baby, so naturally he needs others to take care of his needs.
Some adults also have a sense of entitlement. They believe that the government owes them a living, or that their parents should still support them financially, or that their spouse exists to make them happy.
The truth is, we’re entitled to very few things in life, if at all. If we have a sense of entitlement, we’re unlikely to be contented and happy.
5. You don’t manage your emotions well.
When Baby Z is hungry, he lets me and my wife know. When he’s tired or bored, he lets us know. When he’s cranky, he lets us know.
When babies don’t get what they want, they’ll throw a tantrum to communicate their distress, because they can’t manage their emotions.
Many grown-ups don’t manage their emotions well either. They lash out when they’re frustrated, and speak unkind words when they’re angry.
We all get upset once in a while, but if we don’t make an intentional effort to discipline our emotions and actions, we’ll damage a lot of relationships along the way.
6. You believe that you’re the centre of the universe.
Baby Z doesn’t seem to care much about inconveniencing me and my wife, or about tiring us out. Neither does he show concern for our needs.
That’s normal; he’s a baby.
But some adults subconsciously believe that they’re the centre of the universe too. They continually focus on their needs, their feelings, their desires, and their rights. Because of their self-centredness, they find it hard to show respect for others and to be socially responsible.
It’s tempting to think self-centred thoughts, so this is an area I’m working on myself. But we must remind ourselves that a meaningful life is one that’s focused on others.
The bottom line
Babies are adorable, and they really are a bundle of joy.
But as we get older, we must ensure that we’re not behaving like big babies who haven’t actually grown up. I’m confident that as we..
1. Do what we ought to
2. Cultivate a spirit of gratitude
3. Choose to have a good attitude
4. Eliminate our sense of entitlement
5. Manage our emotions
6. Focus on the needs of others
… we’ll find the success and fulfillment we’re looking for.
