Five things that could stop Chelsea winning the Premier League title
Injuries
Come on, pull yourself together. It’s not over yet. Yes, admittedly things look bad. Chelsea’s visit to West Ham, the match that was supposed to reignite the title race as Andy Carroll terrorised the Blues defence and powered the Hammers to a shock victory, turned out to be more straightforward than N’Golo Kante’s last trip to the barbers – “The usual please mate, number one all over. Cheers, bye.” Tackle, counter-attack, Hazard, goal, cheers, bye. But while the 10-point gap at the Premier League summit may look insurmountable, we have to stay strong. There are still 11 games left, and anything can happen. Anything. For example, Antonio Conte’s squad might actually be hit by a key injury. Or two. Or three. Or four? Actually, just one would be a start.
Crouchy
West Ham was supposed to be Conte’s banana skin in an otherwise kind-looking title run-in, but even as the wily tactician sidesteps one obstacle, there is nothing to stop us pinning all our hopes on the next one. Chelsea’s next game is Stoke away on Saturday 18 March at 3pm. If the Premier League can shift it to the Tuesday at 7.45pm, and move a bit of weather around to ensure it is cold and wet, then it suddenly starts to look like the most intimidating journey in English football. Throw a rejuvenated Peter Crouch into the mix in “unplayable” form and you have yourself a recipe for shattered title dreams.
Rats
They may seem infallible right now as they ruthlessly swat aside opponents with robotic efficiency, but deep down Chelsea’s players are fragile souls just like the rest of us. With feelings and everything. Although the team spirit fostered by Conte appears unbreakable, there are cracks hidden deep within his squad. Let’s not forget that just last season, the same group of players imploded, prompting the appearance of an infamous pro-Jose Mourinho banner entitled, “The 3 Rats: Hazzard Cesc and Costa”, unfurled at Stamford Bridge by an unassuming woman who looked a bit like Alan Curbishley.
The author of the furious message has never been revealed, but the childlike handwriting and poor grasp of spelling and grammar seem to point the finger at club captain John Terry. If JT’s treachery is officially uncovered, this could reopen old wounds within the squad, proving catastrophic to unity and, therefore, performances.
Hair
He has led the Blues with a calm assurance that has filtered through to his players, and together they have remained sublimely unruffled. But if want to ruffle someone, you need to go straight for the hair, and in Conte’s case this technique could prove especially fruitful. The Italian’s luxurious barnet was purchased for money several years ago, just like Chelsea’s soul when Roman Abramovich came on the scene. Previously, it looked like this.
If there is anything that could dent the manager’s swagger, it would be some kind of sudden hair transplant reversal. His miracle cure wearing off, like one of Super Mario’s magic mushrooms, leaving him with a patchy scalp that would trigger a personal crisis and leave his team in disarray.
War
In less toxic times this would sound like a silly suggestion, but the signs are all there. Article 50 set to be triggered, hate crimes on the rise, Budgens closing down everywhere you look. It’s not so much a question of when civil conflict will break out in this bitterly polarised land, but whether it will break out before Chelsea have the chance to accrue 27 more points? During the previous war in 1939, football fixtures ceased with almost immediate effect, so there is hope. Obviously, the ensuing bloodshed and ultimate destruction of our great nation would be absolutely awful, but would it be any more unpleasant than a Chelsea title triumph?
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