SimplyGo away, leave Singapore's travel tech alone, and don’t blame commuter traffic for unhelpful payment system

MY late grandfather had a lot in common with the SimplyGo system. While it was technically possible for him to display the final balance for customers, he didn’t. Fortunately, he had a convenient punching bag for this failing. Me.

As a teenager, I worked in my grandfather’s cafe, which served construction workers who liked to punch teenagers who short-changed them. As a café owner, my grandfather refused to invest in a cash register that a) calculated the final cost of two eggs, two sausages, bacon and tomatoes or b) showed the final cost on a screen.

Instead, he left me at the counter with a notepad, a pencil and a queue of Irish labourers wondering what violent course of action to take if my sums didn’t add up.

I once charged a truck driver half a week’s wages for two eggs on toast. He charged over my counter.

Of course, we don’t resort to such antics in Singapore. We leave angry comments on Facebook instead and understandably so in this instance. The Land Transport Authority’s decision to remove our transit card’s balance display at "the point of transaction" from 1 June was surprising (and I’ve been loving the techy jargon throughout. If we were discussing the climatic act of lovemaking in Singapore, we’d call it "the point of transaction".)

As an exercise in breaking something that didn’t need fixing, the move away from the EZ-Link model to the SimplyGo model is up there with my grandfather switching from Heinz baked beans to a horrendously cheap brand that actually led to a red-haired factory worker throwing up the baked beans. He looked like he was throwing up himself.

In the end, my grandfather relented and Heinz baked beans returned to the menu. No such luck with the EZ-Link card. It’s going the same way as the Sentosa Monorail, something we’ll reflect on wistfully at a future exhibition at the National Museum of Singapore. In most countries, residents visit their national museums to get a sense of what life was like in previous centuries. In Singapore, we pop by to see what life was like in previous weeks.

How busy must Singaporeans be to be delayed by SimplyGo?

Look, I get it. Time waits for no Luddite. So get with the SimplyGo programme, Grandad. From 1 June, adult EZ-Link and NETS FlashPay cards can no longer be used on public transport. We either SimplyGo or we don’t. According to LTA, the old card-based ticketing (CBT) system for adult commuters, is “reaching the end of its operational lifespan”, which is again the kind of techy-speak I can’t get enough of. (When my testosterone succumbs to old age, my wife can inform me that my manhood has “reached the end of its operational lifespan”.)

And while we’re on the subject, thank heavens the outgoing EZ-Link system got its own three-letter abbreviation just in time. The “CBT system” stops us from saying the “card-based ticketing system” and saves us an entire syllable. Honestly, how busy are we?

I’m now picturing frazzled commuters turning up in the office and saying, “Sorry, I’m late, but I had to read an extra syllable about my EZ-Link card and missed the train. Luckily, my new SimplyGo card no longer shows my balance at the exit, or I’d have been even later.”

Because that’s the underlying reason for the tech tweak, apparently. In response to the public criticisms that SimplyGo no longer displays balances, the LTA pointed out that the system could display those balances, but the process would slow down the entry and exit for commuters. By how long? A second? A minute? A fortnight? Again, how busy are we?

Or more pertinently, how busy do we need to be? While the data analysis presumably substantiates the claim, it still leaves us feeling as if we’re unwittingly contributing to a Monty Python sketch about extreme Huxleyan efficiency. All that’s missing is a commentary delivered in an archaic, clipped tone saying, “well, we thought about displaying a commuter’s card balance, but that would slow each human digit down by 0.1 seconds. Now, each human digit will save 0.1 seconds, until that one human digit realises there’s no value left on his card. He will cost 17.6 seconds when he holds up the queue and the other human digit aunties pound him with their umbrellas.”

I say, let’s go the whole hog and install mini-trampolines at every ticket barrier and have commuters vault over the contraptions and award extra loyalty programme points for both the extra time saved and the best front handsprings.

Commuters young and old are troubled by SimplyGo

Of course, the obvious retort is Luddism. Or ageism. Or Luddite ageism. Take your pick. According to recent reports, two in three adult commuters had already adopted SimplyGo by December 2023, so perhaps the online whining and bleating from analog columnists is simply that, unhelpful complaining from a vocal minority still struggling with – or refusing to accept – the digital revolution.

Let’s take both ends of that spectrum. Last year, my daughter and I were stopped by an affable and handsome young chap (according to my daughter) at an Orchard MRT Station ticketing machine and were advised to switch to the SimplyGo system (with a $2 cashback incentive, so I didn’t need to be told twice.)

My daughter is so achingly hip when it comes to apps, she views Facebook like it’s a rotary phone. But she gave up on SimplyGo within a week. She’s a teenager obsessed with losing face and terrified of being humiliated on a bus. She wants to see the balance on her card.

And then there’s Singapore’s older generations. Honestly, these folks must wake in a cold sweat at night and scream, “upskilling!”

It’s a first world problem, certainly, and perhaps an example of Singaporeans being a victim of their own efficient success but has a group of people ever been asked to upskill more than our magnificent, pioneering generations? Jobs? Upskill! Pay for food and shopping on phones? Upskill! Remove a card that once paid for just about everything and showed the latest balance on every trip and replace it with one that does less, gives less and requires yet another app or a visit to the nearest ticketing machine? Upskill! ... Wait… What?

Even if they can download the app or make regular trips to ticketing machines, should they have to? Can they not just play with their grandkids for a bit and leave the obsessive need to shave milliseconds of our commuting time to the rest of us?

Removing EZ-Link and NETS FlashPay cards on 1 June isn’t just about losing the balance display or introducing another app that wasn’t particularly wanted, it’s a weary indication of hard-working residents being expected to keep moving. Never slow down. Focus on efficiency. Maintain productivity. At all times.

Can we ever stop and smell the roses? In Singapore? We can’t even stop and check our MRT card balance.

Neil Humphreys is an award-winning football writer and a best-selling author, who has covered the English Premier League since 2000 and has written 28 books.

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